susan and the story of the self-flushing airport toilet

So...Keith and I travelled to Franklin, TN this weekend. On the first leg of our trip, we flew from Columbus to freakin' Milwaukee and then to Nashville. ugh. Anyway, we landed at the airport in Milwaukee and had a 2 hour layover, so of course, thought this would be a great time to check out the airport 'facilities'...since you all know I'm not going anywhere near an airplane bathroom. So, I go in the bathroom stall to use the commode. There is water on the seat, so I rip off a piece of toilet tissue and wipe the seat off. Then I proceed to pull one of those tissue seat covers out of the box on the wall and place it on the toilet seat. As soon as I get the tissue cover situated, the toilet automatically flushes and sucks the cover off and then sprays toilet water on the formerly dried seat. So, I think to myself, I just need to be faster. I try it again, only faster...wipe off the toilet seat, lay down the tissue cover...and before I can unzip my jeans, it does it again. At this point, any sane person would have probably tried another stall...but no. I decide I need to get 'ready', so I unzip my jeans, pull my drawers down...wipe off the seat...laydown the tissue cover and as my biscuit is close to sitting down...the stupid toilet flushes again. To which I jump up, because I don't want my bum being sprayed with toilet water. Wouldn't you stop at this point? Yea...hindsight, no pun intended, is 20/20. So, I try again and as I'm about to sit, the toilet flushes...again...I partially stand, with my fingers holding the tissue in place as the toilet water splashes e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. At that point, I sat my damp bootie down on the damp tissue and did my business. Of course when I stood up and the toilet flushed, the wet tissue was now stuck to the seat...so it didn't flush. I had to wait for the bowl to refill, push the tissue into the bowl with my foot and then wave my hand in front of the sensor for it to flush again.

I would not at all be surprised if someone was filming this little episode and me and my biscuit will be the laugh-fest on YouTube in the very near future.

argh...