the hairstylist blues

What is it with hairstylists? I've been going to mine for 15+ years...most of the time she gives me a great cut...I would say 95% of the time I'm very happy with the results. But on those few occasions when she doesn't, I could just scream. A couple months ago she was on a kick to die my hair red. I have my hair cut every three weeks, so every three weeks, "I think you'd look really good as a redhead", "Have you thought about dyeing your hair red"?, "Do you want to dye your hair red today?" She finally dropped that and promptly launched into the Paul Mitchell Gloss Drops. "Have you tried these gloss drops?" "They really help to smooth out your hair"? "I'm putting gloss drops on your hair because it looks a little frizzy today". ALRIGHT ALREADY, GIVE ME THE @@!!x%**#%!!! GLOSS DROPS!!! After the gloss drops it was some spray protein hair strengthener thing. Now she's on a kick to cut my hair like Kate Gosselin. "Hey, you know that woman on the tv show with all the kids, I think we should cut your hair like hers". "You mean Kate Gosselin?" "Yea, that's the one. You would look really good in that hairstyle". I think we have a magazine around here with a picture of her". "No that's okay, I know what her hairstyle looks like". "So do you want to cut it like that today"? "Uh...let me think about that..." [no. no. no. no. no. no. no. and, no.]

First of all, is my hair really all that bad? I know I haven't changed it in awhile, but sheesh. How about this. Why don't you just cut it consistently for, oh let's say six months, and then we'll talk about changing it up. And have you looked at your own hair recently? It's not like you're burnin' up the hair industry with your coif.

So, the most frustrating part of all of this, is that the way she cut my hair this time, it's so short in the back that I don't have enough there to grab onto a brush to pull it out away from my scalp. Grrrrrr. As many of you who have naturally curly hair know, 2 inches wet = 1 inch dry. Sometimes I think that maybe she can't do 2 things at the same time. Like I can't chew gum and walk? I think she can't cut hair and talk. That or whatever is going on in her brain subconsciously travels down her arms and her hands just go into auto mode...[Kate Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Kate Gosselin]...and 10 minutes later I'm left with poodle fur on the back of my head.

If she keeps badgering me about this, I'm going to have to hurt her.

Hair today, gone tomorrow, Susan